And we will never be the same.

We had a plan. It was that we will drive around Iceland. It was the only thing we knew before we left. We didn't know where we will end up, we just went with the flow. We made so many plans during the trip and they were changing all the time. And it was okay, it was the way we wanted.

Details about the trip

No one else can understand what we experienced. People ask what did you do, what did you see, how was the trip and every time they seem to be so disappointed to hear our answer. We saw so much and so little. We experienced so much without actually doing anything special. We just followed the road.

We saw every season, from cold winter to warm summer nights. We drove middle of the mountains and in the prairie. We got stuck on the snow - twice. We drove way too fast, we took pictures middle of nowhere. We drove in silence about three hours and it was okay, neither of us felt bad. We laughed, we talked. We drank way too much energy drinks. Our bodies started to synchronize, we needed to pee, eat and sleep at the same time. 

I fell in love every second and I bet so did Red. This was our little get away. Our escape from everything. Trip that made us even closer.

I love you, Red. You are the best.

Love,

Ambivalent

ps. If anyone of you is planning to drive in Iceland, I recommend to visit this site. There you can see road conditions all the time. It's a lifesaver.

Who are you?

"Who are you?"

I'm happy, lively girl who gets along with almost everyone.

"No, that's not what I meant. That's more what you are, I want to know WHO you are."

One of the most diffucult questions ever. How can you explain who you are? Do you even know who you are? Because I have started to think that I don't know. 

I'm an addict.

I'm a dancer.

I'm a nerd.

I'm an ambivalent.

I'm a believer.

I'm a dreamer.

I'm a liar.

I'm happy.

I'm restless.

I'm the one who's gonna change your world.

 And I'm changing too.

I can't label myself, no matter how hard I try. I would say that I'm the person who keeps changing so much that no one knows her. I'm continually creating myself and sometimes I lose my sight of myself. 

This is my first couchsurfing experience and I already know it will change me. 

"You are weird. And you are proud of it."

"Things that are normal to you, are things that some people hate."

"You are feeling little bit uncomfortable and you are trying to protect yourself, but at the same time, you seem to enjoy this quite much."

Love,

Ambivalent

"This is fucking awesome"

Whole night without sleeping, but at least Red is savely at home now. She left this morning and it's so weird to be alone. There is so much to tell, so many things to show. These trips are something that changes people, and I have a feeling that both me and Red has changed during our trip. 

I don't know what to write, don't know where to start. Maybe I concentrate on that later, I just wanted to tell you that I'm still alive and extremely happy.

Here's a song for you. This is ridiculously big hit in Iceland right now.

Love,

Ambivalent

If something goes wrong, everything goes wrong.

It turns out that this Iceland trip is going to be full of adventures. We went to the airport right on time, we hanged out near the gate where the flight should leave. Gates should open 30 minutes before take off, but the gates stayed closed. Suddenly there was an annoucment that there's some problem with our plain and we will get new information in two hours.

Luckily we got tickets for food, this is how our plate looked like before starting to eat. 

After 18 hours waiting, after spending a night in the hotel, after changing busses and flights, after not-so-good dinner, but awesome breakfast, after laughing and tiredness - we manage to get on the plain and start our trip to Iceland. 

We missed one night, but that's okay. We are starting the next part of this adventure - road trip! 

Love,

Ambivalent

Iceland - here we come!

Half an hour and I'm leaving. Again. But this time I have someone to go with. 

Last October I called Red and ask her do you wanna come to Iceland with me, in March. I have never had a friend who says without any hesitation yea, of course I want, when are we going? and buys flight tickets the next day. Now I have that kind of friend. And finally we are really leaving. These four five months has gone so fast.

I took the same bag as last time, but there is still room left. And I have packed ski clothings which took about 1/4 of  my bag. I have no idea what I have forgot to pack with me. My bag is ready now and I'm ready to go.

Love,
Ambivalent

ps. Ted tells me the most awesome compliments!

Being yourself can be hard

Many people seek balance in their life. They want stable relationship, study quickly and start working. Work from 8 am to 4 pm, have weekends off. Have a big house, dog and cute kid, maybe two. Meet their friends occasionally, save money for vacations, travel some warm place with their kids. Have a nice career, move forward in their life. Live in the balanced life, the usual life. The life which is acceptable by society.

What happens to people who doesn't want that? 

People who want more from their life. They don't want to stay in one place, they live for experience. They feel strongly about everything, they follow their dreams. Take a leap of faith, create themselves, be different. Or people who doesn't want to own house, who doesn't want to have kids - ever. Doesn't want to take loan, who doesn't value money that much. Who doesn't care about nice career, they just need money enough to make things they really like. No matter what is it.

Those people are usually labeled as unstable or crazy. Many people say it's just a phase, you will calm down. Like it's bad thing to want something different from life, bad thing to be restless. And you know, right now I feel like one of those people.

I seek chaos, it makes me feel alive. I love the feeling when there's everything going on around. I want to experiece new things, see the world. Do something different every day, love the world, enjoy little things.
But I hear voice of society way too loud and even though I try to ignore them, they keep coming back. It's hard to be yourself, when being yourself isn't normative.

I try my best. I don't know how to control this restlessness or well, I think the problem is that I don't want to control it. I like it, and it's part of me. All I want to do, is have fun, create myself and enjoy life.

Love,
Ambivalent