You are never really awake

I have been really tired lately. Exhausted. I walk towards evening, I perform my duties and wait for the night. You are never really asleep. You are never really awake. I'm just a ghost wandering around.

It feels like everything is blurred. I know I have been in school. I know I have been working. I know I have seen my friends. I know I have lived. I know I'm alive - but it doesn't feel like it. I have lived in the fog. What kind of life is that?

I'm never really asleep, so I'm never truly awake.

I can't sleep at home. Somehow I can't fully relax there. Dark thoughts, chaos everywhere, restless mind. Luckily I have Ted. At least one place where I can actually relax and sleep - even without pills.

Love,
Ambivalent

Fever dreams

I have had the most beautiful, fearsome, terrifying and magnificent dreams. Not even sure which ones has been dreams. I have learnt quite much, even though I don't remember half of it anymore. I have fought against demons, I have experienced how it feels to suffocate. I have been pregnant, I have been a man. This week I have done so much - without getting up.

I have had fever, quite high fever. I haven't been able to get out of the bed, but my imagination had gone crazy. It has been interesting and I wish I could paint so I could show you, what I have seen. I wish I could write better so I could share my thoughts.

Tomorrow I have to get back to reality and I hope I'm going back to right world.

Love,
Ambivalent