Once again I doubt my life. I keep explaining myself why I do this, why I started studying, why I don't work so much anymore. I keep telling I want the degree, I need it to accomplish something later in my life. I think that's why people study, it helps their life, it helps to get closer their dreams.
So I started thinking about what I want. And the only thing I come up was this:
Big commune. Me, Ted and Red. Maybe some other people also. Place where everyone is welcome, where no one is judged. Living room full of gigantic pillows, wide windowsills - wide enough to sit on them. Wall painted as whiteboard, people leaving messages and Red making amazing artwork on it. Own rooms for people who need it, shared rooms if someone wants. Minimalist decor, but I still want the gigantic pillows.
Everyone doing their own thing, no matter what it is. I would be working shift work, usually staying up late and sometimes waking up before anyone else has even got to bed. Now and then I would do some projects like study something. Once a week we would have big dinner - all the people would participate making the food or if Red wanted she could do all the dishes. Everyone living there would be there enjoying time together, but all our friends would be welcome, of course.
People living there might change over the time, but it would be okay. I would probably live abroad for year, maybe two. Someone else might be living in my place in the commune, but I would come back to my home. I would come back to my little commune, which has grown to be my home - not like these houses I have been living.
I would travel alone. I would travel with Red. I would travel with Ted.
And I have no idea how studying information technology would ever get me there.
Love,
Ambivalent
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