Her mind was torn up with desire

One of my favorite blog writers were asked about dating advices and she told her best dating advice. She said that she can give only one, because it's the only one she knows right know. She's still learning, like everyone of us.

She said "go into yourself". Go deep into yourself. Get to know yourself. Recognize your habbits, thought patterns and those little destructive or good ways of living. Everyone has their own. If you don't deal with them, you will end up doing same mistakes over and over again.

You have to look inside of you, meet your demons. Open all the knots and be true to yourself. That's the most important thing to do. You don't want your relationship to become only one extra playfield in your life.

I think this goes hand in hand with sentence you have to love yourself before you can love anybody else. I have always thought that I know what it means, but I have been so wrong. I have started to understand these things lately, in different way than before. I have a long way to go, but at least I have started my journey.

I have started to recognize some of my issues. I have realized how I go around and around in my life. I repeat certain things, do things only one way. It's good to know these things, because it's impossible to grow as a person, if you don't know yourself.

The scariest and hardest part will be when I have to meet my own demons.

Love,
Ambivalent

Only one week

Spain was awesome as you know. Red was as gorgeous as always, she made my vacation even better. She reminded me how much I can do, how much I can be. She reminded me that this is even more beautiful world than I believed.

One week and so much happened. I spent 140 euros and got three big bags full of clothes. I saw flamenco show, travelled by taxi, train and bus. Walked around everywhere. I saw the zoo, there were so many lovely animals and they seemed happier than animals in other zoos.

I helped Red to get a new apartment and oh, how wonderful apartment we found! It's just perfect for her. So much light and pure awesomeness. We moved during nights and by taxi. Taxi driver smiled at us and asked if we are moving. He seemed happy for us, even though he didn't know us at all.

People in Spain were generally really nice and helpful. Even if they didn't know you, everyone was ready to help. And I'm not talking only about Spanish people - everyone was nice, no matter what nationality you were.

We spent one day in Malaga also, saw absolutely magnificent dresses, humorist bands. I just wish I could have understood what they were singing. We saw nightlife in Malaga, drank cheap drinks and got in the nightclub for free. Went to bed earlier than everyone else, we could hear party noises many hours after going back to our sweet hostels.

We also went partying in Fuengirola and oh boy, one fishbowl too much for me! We danced, met many people and I bet there are at least 20 people who has our photo in their phones. Spanish people were crazy about taking photos. Maybe it was because without photos, no one would remember what happened.

One week and I feel like I have lived more than I have lived in last two months. It's just different life. Red got her first smart phone ever, I got my second tattoo. Tattoo to remind me about this phase of my life. I don't want to forget this.

Love,
Ambivalent

Beautiful world.

I'm in love. Again. And I think this won't ever change. Is it okay, if I don't go back?

This week has been so awesome and everything has happened. It's weird how much can happen in only one week. I promise, I will tell you everything as soon as possible! World, life and you are truly magnificent.

Love,

Ambivalent

You'll be there

What would you do if the person you love says he's found the love of his life and he's starting to date? This would mean you can't hang around as much as you use to do, he won't have time for you like he use to have. You won't be the sweet inseparable couple, who's always together. You would know that he's still in your life, he won't disappear - but at the same time everything would change.

You know everything will change and you won't be able to go back. You can't do things differently and after all, this is what you have wished for all the time. That he finds someone to love, someone who can actually be there for him and offer everything he needs. You have wished him to be happy. and all this time you have known, you can't make him happy.

Even though you have massive beliefs about yourself, you know you don't have any impact in his life anymore. You don't matter anymore, but it's okay because you know he's much happier with someone else. You will always be there for him, if he needs you. But you also know that the times, when he was there for you, are over.

But after the first shock, after realizing you are going to lose him, you know it's for the best. You are deeply happy for him and you know it's your time to let go. You'll say "let's be friends" even though you have a feeling it won't work between you two. You still hope it'll work, because you are good friends and that fact won't change, even if the form changes.

You are just happy for him.

Love,
Ambivalent

Life is good

Warm sun, smiling faces, soft wind. Life is good.

Spain is awesome. Travelling is awesome. I feel so comfortable here. The mist around my head is gone, I see everything clearer. This feels home.

I have heard that travelling is escaping. It might be true, even though I don't want to think that I'm running away. I don't feel like I'm escaping. But somehow it happens everytime abroad. I see everything clearer. I can think and talk, I can feel my true feelings. I know what I want.

And it feels so good. It's so rare for me to actually know what I want. It's rare to feel lucid.

Love,
Ambivalent