Even bad wolves can be good

Saying goodbye has always been hard for me. I hold on people longer than I should. I don't know how to let go. It hurts, it always hurts.

Someone said once that it's easier to let go, if your relationship has just begun. I agree with that, because in long relationships you have so many memories, so many good things which makes it harder to let go. Same goes with friendship. It's easier to accept losing a friend if you haven't been friends for long time.

But I experienced something different. I knew him only for couple of days. Two days in row, one night later. And still it hurts like hell to let go. Why is it so hard for me to accept that I probably won't see him ever again?

Dancing boy. 

Even thinking about him makes me smile.

He was really good guide. He gave me courage to be more me. But the time was too short. I'm afraid that my progress will stop, that I forget how good it felt to be me. How nice it was when someone actually paid attention to me, when someone saw inside me and accepted everything. 

I was scared, but also so safe. Everything was comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. Many things felt weird at first, but he always asked what's weird about this and I couldn't answer. I was more myself than I have been in ages. And it felt so good. 

I don't wanna forget that. Ever.

For couple of days he was the only thing that made sense in this crazy world. Through all the madness and the sickness, I know I can look to you for love and forgiveness. Oh man, I really miss him. It's hard to go back to old me, after seeing how much better new me is. 

I don't want to go back. I want to be the new me. Now I just need to figure out how to do that. 

Love,

Ambivalent

ps. Dancing boy, if you are reading this (I know you are) - here's one reason why I was so weird on the last night. I hate goodbyes and it was extremely hard to let you go. I never wanted to do that, even though I knew I have to.