Only know you've been high when you're feeling low

I'm middle of the crisis. This crisis has been going on quite long, but right now I'm at the turning point. Point where I should decide what I want, who to trust and who to listen. And I have no idea what should I do.

I have built many roles for myself during years. It's good and bad thing.It's one of my greatest strengths. It gives me a opportunities to be almost everything. It helps me to get along with different people, and that's something you need in this world. Everyone has those roles, everyone acts differently with their friends and family, co-workers or boss, teachers and random people you have never met before.
I know that's normal. It's normal to show different sides of you. It's common sense.

But then there's a bad thing. When you have so many roles, the risk of losing your true self is higher. Right now I'm lost somewhere between those roles, somewhere there between roles of happy girl, caring friend, selfish party animal and control freak. I don't know which one is part of me and what is something I have made up.

My opinion about myself is completely different than my closest friends opinion about me. It's scary, because those people should be the ones who know me best. Even though it's not that surprising that they don't, because I have my own roles even with my best friends.
I show them different parts of myself. One is for talking, another one for partying. We share different intrests and some of you might think, that's just normal - everyone is doing that. But the thing is, I don't think those are actually different sides of me. It's more like.. I'm different person with everyone. That's why it's so hard to introduce my friends to each other.

And lately, none of those persons have felt right. They are old me. I'm not that person anymore. I'm tired of those roles I have, but it's hard to give them up. If I reveal my true self, will people still like me? I'm trying to open up more, because I have learnt that it can give me so much more. Even thoug, I can also lose everything. But it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is.

How am I supposed to know what's real and what's not, if no one shares the same reality with me?

Love,
Ambivalent