I tend to dissapear. For short moments, from minutes to days, I go somewhere else. I'm not here anymore. I lose time and place. And every time it's harder and harder to come back.
I don't answer text messages, I don't answer phone calls. I don't read Facebook messages. If I answer, I answer shortly and after many hours or days. I'm locked in to my own little world. That's normal to me, it happens sometimes. When I need my own space.
I have tried to force myself to be social, even though I know I need to be alone. Right now, I need my own place. But I have so many new friends, who want to spent time with me, so it's kind of hard to dissapear. They get worried if I don't answer. They don't understand why am I acting so differently. They aren't used to that.
And well, it has been quite hard to be alone. I know I need to be alone, but I can't be alone.
I can't be around people, but I can't be without them either.
But right now, problem isn't dissapearing from other people. Problems start when I'm starting to dissapear from this reality and go to my own world. And when this starts to happen around other people.
Love,
Ambivalent
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