It feels a lot like life.

It has been chaotic, but at the same time everything feels normal. Life seems to got on right track, I have worked quite much and finally I have had energy to see my friends. Life is good.

It's weird to realise how much better it feels not to study. Of course I have known that school doesn't do good for me, I have known it's different to study than work. I knew things will change when I start studying, but I weren't ready for all of this. 

It doesn't feel like I'm living my own life. I'm in some kind of story, I do things just because I'm supposed to do things. I have lost the feeling about my own dreams, nothing feels like I'm doing it because I'm passionate about it. 

I have tried to fill in "Compass of life" and it's weird to realise nothing matters. There's nothing important for me. School got ½ point from max 10 points and still school is the place where I spent most of my time. At least during school year. I have thought that reason for me to go to school is everything linked to it. I like being in board of representatives, I like being tutor and now head of international tutoring in faculty of technology. I like being part of everything and I have thought it's the reason why I study. 

But when I filled in Compass of life I realised, it doesn't matter. Of course I like doing those things, but I wouldn't miss them if I wasn't part of it. I wouldn't be heartbroken if I had to resign from all of my duties. My life would continue the same. Or well, of course if I would resign I wouldn't be studying either. 

So basically my life would become normal again. 

I really like having a summer vacation. Life feels normal, it feels like my life. Life is good, life is beautiful.

Love,
Ambivalent