I'm supposed.

I'm supposed to feel alive. To live the best time of my life. I'm in different country, learning new things, getting to know myself better. And well, it has been really fun and educational. But it comes to its end too early.

If I really want some major change to happen, I need to be abroad longer than 4 months. Maybe the problem is that I was perfectly happy with my life before I left. Okay - not with the studying, but that's details. I was happy most parts. I just need the push, the final move to quit school and take back the life used to be mine.

But other than school. I was living my dream. In one month I'm going back but nothing will be the same. And I can't stop thinking - I am tired of pretending to be normal one. I just want to dance with the rainbow, sit under blankets and laugh with Red. I want to drink too much wine, stay up too long and walk to the work next.

I want to hold her hand, curl up next to her and get high of life. I can't help myself - I just want to live my own life. I want to be free. I want to go crazy because it's the most natural state for me.

Or maybe I'm just bored?

Love,
Ambivalent