We didn't talk to each other in many years, our friend groups changed during the time and we somehow stopped spending time together, in the same group. But it still hurts. Why? Why did you do it? What hurt you so much?
You were always so happy, everyone's friend. I'll always remember you smiling to everyone. Helping and cheering everyone. I guess you forgot to ask help for yourself. You never told anyone, not even your closest friends or at least that I heard. Maybe you didn't believe no one could help you, you were saying goodbyes to everyone even though no one realized that.
I should have learnt already that the quiet ones are the ones who actually do something. They don't let anyone know about their plans, not a slightest hint. They keep everything inside and surprise everyone in the end. You weren't the first one. I have seen these too many.
That's why I'm happy when my friends talk about their problems, if they tell me they are not okay. It tells me there's hope. There's at least something to keep them in this world, some hope about the brighter future. But of course, I don't want my friends to suffer in any way..
I wish I could have said goodbye to you. Party with you once more. Talk with you, ask how are you. How you have been these last years. How did your life turn out. We knew each others when we were teenagers and we both survived that time, what happened after that. It takes time to get used to the thought I'll never get change to do any of that.
But I'm glad when I see your friends changing their profile pictures for you. Many people show their respect to you. I have been crying almost all day and I know I'm not the only one. All of your friends miss you.
Rest in peace.
Love,
Ambivalent.
J<3
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