"You just don't know how to stay in one place, do you?"

Two nights and I'll be in the plane thinking.. I'm really going to Iceland. I really ignored everyone who disagreed with me and did what I want. I'm kinda surprised about that.
I'm almost healthy again, maybe still some cough, but I'm getting better. I'll be okay on Friday and nothing will stop me then.

One of my friend said me yesterday: "You just don't know how to stay in one place, do you?" And damn, it felt good. He put my feelings into words so easily and made me realize that maybe it's okay. Maybe it's okay if I don't know where I belong. Or maybe I don't belong anywhere. I belong everywhere. 

All my life I have always wanted to go somewhere. Away from my home. First it was city near by, then it was capital. And now it's abroad. I don't feel like home here. I have never felt like home. 

When I was about 12 years old, I started to travel our capital. My best friend lived there (and still lives), so it was easy for me go there. I spent almost every weekend there. Every summer, every New Year, every vacation. Damn, I was there every time I had chance.

Back then it was the place where I felt like home. My heart was there. I just loved to travel there, because every time when I was sitting in the train and arriving to the capital, I felt good. I felt so peaceful, like nothing can hurt me. It was the place where I belonged. 

But more than two years ago I met my current boyfriend. I got my reason to stay here. First time of my life I had something here to fight for, something that made me stay here instead going to the capital. It was strange. I can't believe I have stayed here so long. I still want to move away or at least travel a lot.

I believe home is where your heart is. I think my heart has many pieces and they all are in different places. Maybe that's why it's so hard to stay in one place. I want to experience the world, I wanna lose my heart all new places, I wanna find my place. 

Love,

Ambivalent