"I don't wanna be your rebound."

And I don't want you to be my rebound.

I don't want to have a rebound at all. It's kind of funny, because after almost every break up I have been going through, I have had rebound. This time it's different. I don't need anyone to make me feel good, I don't even _want_ anyone to come into my life right now. I'm happy on my own. I have missed this happiness so much and I don't wanna ruined it with some random guy. 

Believe it or not, but I actually want to be alone right now. I don't have to rush things, it takes time to be ready for someone. I have to learn how to truly love myself, how to be alone, how to say no. I have so much to learn and I really need this time. 

I wasn't ready for my ex and I knew it when we started to date. But still I did it. Why? Because I wanted to save him. I knew I'm gonna get hurt, but it didn't matter back then. I knew it will make me stronger. 

And even though he cheated on me many times, I don't have trust issues. I believe I can still trust other people, I still think people are good and worth of my trust. I don't wanna think people want to hurt me. I want to believe that I'll find someone who respects me. But no one can respect me if I don't respect and love myself first. 

Right now I love even sleeping alone. It feels so good to be alone, I can do anything I want and I don't have to be close to anyone. I don't have to feel quilty because staying up so long or sleeping restless. I can listen the music I want, not what someone else want. 

I can't wait to start partying. I have missed bars, drinking, dancing and having fun. I really don't know when I stopped living, but I want to start living again. I want to live my youth, I want to do stupid things. I wanna dance on the tables, meet new people, make people uncomfortable. I wanna get in the fight, tell lies to random people, break something. I wanna lie on the ground, feel how good everything feels. 

All I have to do now is survive these next two or three weeks. After that I don't have to go back to that old apartment anymore. Then I can finally start living. I can't wait. 

Love,

Ambivalent