Norway is calling me!

Tomorrow is finally the day when I go to Norway. I have been waiting for this so long time now. I still haven't packed everything, I don't what I need with me. I have never been there and I don't have any idea what I'm going to do there. I don't know do I need some fancy clothes or are regular clothes enough.

I hope we are not going anywhere. I wish I could just rest and maybe go for a walk. I don't wanna go any special restaurant, I don't wanna go drinking (okay, drinking might be awesome, but it's too expensive for me). I just want to write, enjoy time with my cousin and aunt and maybe go window shopping. Take pictures and just chill.

I really need time for relaxing. Even though I don't want to admit it, but this break up, moving out, hosting a dance competition, working, being social and many other thing are taking my energy away. I don't usually feel stressed, but when I do - I usually crush under everything. I have no idea how's that possible. How can't I know where is my limit?
It works the same way every time. Everything is okay, nothing stress me and I can do things. I start doing things and I usually collect things to do. I always try to think is this too much, but it never feels like it. Then suddenly, some day, I realize that I'm a little stress ball bouncing around. It's like I'm looking for this stress.

I don't know how to just be.

I don't want to start studying. Imagine if I start to studying now.. In worst case scenario, I'll end up psychiatric ward just because stress. Studying would be okay, if I just study. But I know that's not enough for me. I want to be on students' union, I want to work at the same time. I would still be secretary in our dance society. And I really have to be good at my studies, because I want to go exchange and I can't if I'm not good enough.

But people survive all these things I'm doing. They shouldn't be so stressful. I don't know why I find them so stressful.

Love,
Ambivalent