You can't appreciate good days, if you don't have any bad ones.

I told you last night, that I feel good. And it's true. I'm so relieved and happy. I shouldn't be. But there's more. Of course I feel also bad because this break up. We were together so long time.

There are couple of things, where you can see that everything isn't okay.
I haven't eaten properly since we broke up. And it's getting worse everyday. First my portions just got smaller, then I started to forget eating. Yesterday I didn't eat anything else than one and half slice of bread. I can't feel hunger. And if I do, I can't eat. I just made breakfast for me, but I just can't eat it. I'm looking at it and trying to eat, but I can't swallow. Food doesn't taste good at all right now. I want this to pass and I want to eat again.

I can't concentrate on anything. My mind is processing this break up all the time. I have been suck a bad worker right now, but I think my boss understands it. I know this situation won't last forever and soon I'll be myself again. I have to go through all these feelings, thoughts and everything. I have to do it or else I can't move on with my life.

I was in my dad's place this weekend and it was really good thing for me. It's good to be somewhere else than home all the time. At least I got something else to think about. I had change to write and it felt so good. Writing is my way to process these things.
And this place is good for it. I went to nearest forest and it kinda calmed me down. I lived my childhood here, so here is so many memories. Mostly good ones.

This photo is really old, but nothing has change here.

Those apple trees still calm me down. One of my favorite places in the world.

Love,

Ambivalent