I'm no beauty queen, I'm just beautiful me

Last entry was about loving yourself. I decided to continue same theme today too. Yesterday I was talking about loving yourself inside, no matter what other says. Today it's time for outside beauty. There are many people who think they have to be skinnier, lighter, more muscular, prettier, more talented or something like that.

It's funny how people seem to think that being skinnier makes you happy. I can tell you, it doesn't.
I used to be about 10kg (about 22lbs) heavier than now and oh, I was so happy about myself. I felt so good and beautiful. I believe I really looked beautiful, because I felt it.
But then I met my ex-boyfriend. He told be that I'm too big. That I would be more beautiful if I lose some weight, more happier. And I started to exercise. He tried to train me, but gave up really soon. I complain too much and I'm always really pissed off when I exercise. It takes a lot from someone who tries to train me. No one has ever managed to do that.
Anyway, I lost weight quite quickly. It took less than year to lose 12kg. I thought I would be happy after it, but I wasn't. I felt so bad, I didn't feel good in my body. My body was disgusting. I always thought it would be good to lose some more weight. That I would be happy if lose some more weight.

Now I'm quite happy. I know I'm not perfect, but I don't hate my reflection, it doesn't hurt so much to see myself. But I have to admit - I was so much happier when I was heavier. I don't want to put on weight anymore, I think I just have to learn to love myself.


I use to go to this blog to get motivated. It's full of thinspiration pictures. Most of those are really pretty, but sometimes I thought - damn, those girl are too skinny. How could anyone find that attractive.

Then I found this blog yesterday. It's awesome. I think those girls are more beautiful than girls in the thinspiration pictures. 

I wish everyone could love their bodies. There are no reason not to love it. I'm still learning it, but at least I'm on my way. I think it was good thing to break up with my ex. Now I can start loving myself again, no matter what my weight is or how I look. 

Even though I believe that when I start to love myself more, I start to take more care of myself. I have noticed that already. I'm not sure which one comes first - taking care of yourself so you would feel good or feeling good so you take care of yourself. They are so connected. 

Here are awesome song for you. Listen those words (and ignore the fact that she's Selena Gomez, don't jugde it just because of that).

I'm sure you got some things

You'd like to change about yourself

But when it comes to me

Love,

Ambivalent