Many people has asked me lately "Are you on speed? What the hell have you taken?" No one believes me, when I told them I haven't taken anything besides alcohol. Not even alcohol necessarily. I'm going fast, I can't stop and it feels so good. I dance in the rain, I laugh and I do what ever I want to do.
Last Wednesday I went out for a walk in the middle of the night. I was partying with H and S, and after the bar closed me and H went to S's place. As soon as we got inside, I changed my clothes and told H that I wanna go walking. I had so much energy and I knew I couldn't sleep if I stay inside. H didn't want to come with me, but luckily one random guy joined me.
We walked and talked so much that night. He told me things he hasn't ever told anyone, not even his best friends. That night and especially that walk was awesome. I enjoyed every moment and I hope so did he. Because we were acting like we have known out whole lives and H didn't believe we met first time that night.
Sometimes I think I don't know how to be less open, less social. I trust people more than I should and I'll probably hurt myself because of that. I let my emotions lead me, it usually makes my life interesting, but I know there's a risk doing it. I do it anyway.
I want to believe people are good, I believe in the kindness of the strangers. I don't have any reason not to trust people. If they hurt me, then I have reason.
Or maybe this is my way to protect myself. I make people think they know me, that they know my personal stuff, but in reality.. Nothing I tell them could hurt me. There are only few people who actually knows me.
I'm not sure should I slow down. This might go over board, but I love feeling this good. I know, this might not be healthy.
...Damn, I can't concentrate!
Love,
Ambivalent
No comments:
Post a Comment