Dance until your feet hurt

I have noticed that I write here when I'm happy. It's kinda funny, because I usually write when I'm unhappy. I convert my feelings into words and deal with all my problems. I always thought I can't write without being miserable, that I need to be depressed to be good writer. Okay, I'm not as good as I use to be, but it's okay. I'm getting better every time I write and it still feels good.

There was many years when I didn't write anything, I didn't know what to write, how to start. High school messed my writing so badly, I'm still recovering from it. During high school I didn't even like writing. I got so much negative feedback about my writing that I stopped it. But nowadays I don't care that anymore. It doesn't matter if someone doesn't like my way of writing. I know I can get better and if I get some constructive criticism. There's difference with constructive criticism and telling you that "you can't write like this, it's not the right way. You have to stop writing fiction".

Be heard, Be strong, Be proud.

I wanna make some noise.

I'm officially moved out now. My address changed today. And it's awesome! It feels good to be home. I have always wanted out of this town, but now it's kinda nice to be here. This good place to have my stuff and travel. I still want move away, but I'm not in hurry. I have time. I can deal with this town, it's okay. It's beautiful, I can appreciate it differently than I used to do. I was too young and restless.

Well, I'm still restless and I'm getting more and more restless.

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, d-determinate

Push until you can't and then demand more

Determinate, d-determinate

You and me together, we can make it better

Gotta turn the world into your dance floor

Determinate, d-determinate

It's over midnight and I still want to go out. I wanna go jogging or something. I have too much energy. It sucks to know I have to sleep even though I'm not sleepy right now. I know I'll be in the morning if I don't go to bed. I think I have to find a hobby for myself. I need something where I can use all of this extra energy. I need the way to get these feelings out.

I have my own ways to deal with bad feelings. I know exactly what to do if I'm depressed, I know what I have to do if I have a panic attack. But when it comes to happiness.. I'm not sure what to do. I can't remember when was the last time I was this happy, truly happy. When was the last time I didn't have any weight in my shoulders, when have I smiled this much, for so long time. When was the last time I have been able to get on my feet by myself, when was I able to think positive even tough there's nothing special going on.

I can't remember. But that doesn't matter, because I'm happy now. I just wanna dance and I hope you dance with me.

Love,
Ambivalent